MESSED-UP


Chapter 11

- Look I know we have argued but I really dont want to be alone

- So you called me?

- Yeah a kind of

- *smiled* Its ok I am gonna pick you up soon

- *smiled* ok

I walked to my room and just checked what I have to wear I decided to wear my gren v-neck sleeveless t-shirt with my jeans I turned to look myself on the mirror This was the t-shirt that tried in the cabin which he fucked me in it I flushed as the memory came to my mind I remember how he grabbed me to inside of the cabin and told me he wants me I have said no but he has been so surprised by it He has been looking broken I have been told him that I want him to do it He has been undecided but in the end he has been fucked me hard and fast in there I have been hardly kept myself quiet I shook my head and tried to clean my mind up before Xavier came He called me and said ‘I will be in there in 5 mins’ I said ‘Ok I am ready’ I sat down to the sofa This conversation was so normal Why it wasnt like this with Rob? I started to think again and there was a knock on the door I just went to open it but Xavier didnt make our traditional hug He was looking serious I said ‘Is there something wrong’ I was worried He said ‘No just there is something that I want to talk with you’

- What is that?

- I am not ready to tell it right now

- WHY?

- Cuz its important

- Ohh Ok but What are we gonna do now?

- What about a movie?

- It sounds good

We left for the teather When we have arrived we took a look and choose a movie It was a comedy movie as I dont feel like going to a romantic one There were almost 30 mins till the movie’s start He asked me ‘Are you hungry?’ I said ‘No I woke up late so I missed the breakfast’

- You are not looking good

- I am ok

- REALLY?

- Yeah may not so good but ok

- Thats because of Him

- Please stop with this

We have just started to walk and they announced the movie We turned back and took our places on our seats Movie was good but I couldnt laugh at all After the end Xavier told that he wants to talk with me He said ‘You are so much into him’ I said tell me something that I dont know’ and rolled my eyes

- There is something and it disturbs you I can see it Is it the sex thing
*with a careful voice*

- I dont know I have never felt like this before

- But you are running away and you came to me for that

- What’s your point?
*with a cold voice*

- I think this has a mean Have you ever thought that we can be more than friends

- N-no Pls D-dont do this

- Lets have something to drink

- Yeah I really need it

- Just think

- You know that I love him
*with a desparate voice*

He came with two drinks in his each hand and he handed one to me with an unreadable expression I drunk it fastly He said ‘Calm down Dont drink so fast’ I said ‘Dont Tell Me What To Do OK’ I was mad at him I took my second glass and drunk it fastly too than I asked for the third one He just fulled my glass again and I drunk it with one breath I said ‘One more’ He said ‘Dont’ I took the fourth drink and continued fort he fifth He frowned and said ‘ENOUGH’ I said ‘I am feeling free dont make me stop’ He didnt listen and took my glass from my hand He looked at me than suddenly started to kiss me on the lips I was shocked

As I said 'No’ to his face but he didnt seem to hear me I said ‘STOP’ I was almost shouting He didnt stop and pulled me closer I was trying to not let him I was trying to make him listen He grabbed my wrists as I was drunk and weak He kept kissing me I tried to push him away but I couldnt do it than I started to turn back to his kiss What the hell was I doing I found the angry voice inside me and said ‘STOP’ My voice was cold but hot with anger too I just want to kick him My phone started to ring I took a look and said ‘Shit’ It was Rob I hung it up and he asked ‘Where are you’ I said ‘What’ like I didnt hear the anger in his voice

MESSED-UP


Chapter 10



I went to him and kissed him passinotely He didnt stop and took me on him I said ‘no pls dont’ He said ‘but before you go…’ I said ‘if you do this I cant go’ He flashed me an evil grin and started to kiss me again I moan and said ‘pls dont’ with a voice which is weak and made him stop I said ‘I am gonna miss you’ He said ‘not as much as I am gonna miss you ’ with a deep voice I looked at him His eyes were keeping mines He was serious I said ‘you are making harder for me to go but I need this’ I was trying to be strong and I kissed him simply I took my bag than left without looking at him I walked Dont know how much I walked but than stopped I called Xavier and said I am free to meet He has known the place so he came and said ‘hey’ and holded me with carrying me as always he did I said ‘hi’ and we both smiled He said ‘so you broke up with him’ There was a hope in his voice I said ‘what no I definetly didnt’ He was acting like it was an unexpected thing He asked ‘than why are you looking for hotel’ I said ‘its just for 3 days’ He said ‘why are you doing this’ I said ‘well its hard to explain complicated even for me’ He said ‘wooww tell me what is so special in him’ It was like he is curious about this I said ‘he has everything that I can expect even…’ He said ‘lets get in the car I gotta take you to the hotel’ We both walked and got into the car Xavier asked ‘look I have to tell this to you but you are different since him’ He was not comfortable I could see that I said ‘like what’ He said ‘you were so free you were a kind of girl that does-what-she-knows’ I said ‘cuz noone was taking care of me like this before’ He said ‘he is controling you’ I said ‘actually thats why I took this break’ He said ‘how is he doing this’ I said ‘we shouldnt talk about it’ He said ‘tell me’ I said ‘Xavier he knows how to effect me’ I was telling a weakness and it was not easy Xavier said ‘you know you can tell me anything’ I said ‘he is doing it with sex’ Xavier was shocked and he said ‘dont tell me that he wants you to be his sub’ I said ‘no actually its not him its me’ Xavier shouted ‘what’ I said ‘shh’ He said ‘you what’ I said ‘I want to be like that for him’ His eyes widen and he shouted ‘What! Are you hearing what you are saying!’ I said ‘Forget about it I shouldnt have tell it to you’ My voice was not good as I disturbed by his reaction He was talking with a slow voice ‘ do you really want this do you really want to be his sub do you want him to fuck you like that’ He was talking you he is expecting me to say no I said ‘ I dont know thats why I am staying away from him’ with a normal voice He was stil in shock He said ‘I cant believe this’ I was feeling guilty I said ‘I think I beter go’ Xavier said ‘no dont go’ His voice was like he really dont want me to go but I said ‘no I have to go’ He said ‘ok let me take you to the hotel’ with a normal voice I said ‘ok’ We walked and got in the car We havent talked again till we came to the front of the hotel I said ‘I know you are mad but..’ He cutted me and said ‘lets talk about it later’ with a normal voice again I just got out of the car and got into the hotel I made my way to my room I was mad at myself as I said all those things to him I just lied down to my bed and started to listen some music I was trying not to think but thoughts were coming to hunt me Why did he tied me up? Why did I let him to do it? Why did he say that he always wants to fuck me hard? He has told me it was about me Did he love to see me like that? Why did I like when he orders when he becomes the boss? I was the free girl but why did this happen when it came to sex? I just realized I like to see him as my master and it was the thing that I affraid of What could I do about it? He was being hard on me and he has a dark side The *sir* word… All those girls were calling him like that? Did I want to be one of them? I have known the answer was no He told me that he didnt want this for me but why he didnt be gentle if he could do it? Too much to think about
I just left to have diner and when I got back to my room I took some phills which was gonna keep me sleep for hours I closed my eyes and slip into my sleep…
I opened my eyes and checked the clock out which was on the end table that next to my bed It was 13.10 Was this the other day? I looked out from the huge window The sun was shining I stared at it for a while than left fort he lunch with thoughts in my head I have chosen something little that I could eat I checked the restaurant out and find a silent corner at the back I slowly made my way to there and sat down to the little table I started to eat and think I was missing him I was missing his touch I was missing his eyes on me I shook my head and told myself ‘Just two days its just two fuckings days’ Being alone was not helping and my stomach was not able to accept more food I left before finished my lunch and called Xavier The phone rang twice and he hung up I said ‘Hey’ with a worried voice as I was waiting him to be mad at me