MESSED-UP


Chapter 10



I went to him and kissed him passinotely He didnt stop and took me on him I said ‘no pls dont’ He said ‘but before you go…’ I said ‘if you do this I cant go’ He flashed me an evil grin and started to kiss me again I moan and said ‘pls dont’ with a voice which is weak and made him stop I said ‘I am gonna miss you’ He said ‘not as much as I am gonna miss you ’ with a deep voice I looked at him His eyes were keeping mines He was serious I said ‘you are making harder for me to go but I need this’ I was trying to be strong and I kissed him simply I took my bag than left without looking at him I walked Dont know how much I walked but than stopped I called Xavier and said I am free to meet He has known the place so he came and said ‘hey’ and holded me with carrying me as always he did I said ‘hi’ and we both smiled He said ‘so you broke up with him’ There was a hope in his voice I said ‘what no I definetly didnt’ He was acting like it was an unexpected thing He asked ‘than why are you looking for hotel’ I said ‘its just for 3 days’ He said ‘why are you doing this’ I said ‘well its hard to explain complicated even for me’ He said ‘wooww tell me what is so special in him’ It was like he is curious about this I said ‘he has everything that I can expect even…’ He said ‘lets get in the car I gotta take you to the hotel’ We both walked and got into the car Xavier asked ‘look I have to tell this to you but you are different since him’ He was not comfortable I could see that I said ‘like what’ He said ‘you were so free you were a kind of girl that does-what-she-knows’ I said ‘cuz noone was taking care of me like this before’ He said ‘he is controling you’ I said ‘actually thats why I took this break’ He said ‘how is he doing this’ I said ‘we shouldnt talk about it’ He said ‘tell me’ I said ‘Xavier he knows how to effect me’ I was telling a weakness and it was not easy Xavier said ‘you know you can tell me anything’ I said ‘he is doing it with sex’ Xavier was shocked and he said ‘dont tell me that he wants you to be his sub’ I said ‘no actually its not him its me’ Xavier shouted ‘what’ I said ‘shh’ He said ‘you what’ I said ‘I want to be like that for him’ His eyes widen and he shouted ‘What! Are you hearing what you are saying!’ I said ‘Forget about it I shouldnt have tell it to you’ My voice was not good as I disturbed by his reaction He was talking with a slow voice ‘ do you really want this do you really want to be his sub do you want him to fuck you like that’ He was talking you he is expecting me to say no I said ‘ I dont know thats why I am staying away from him’ with a normal voice He was stil in shock He said ‘I cant believe this’ I was feeling guilty I said ‘I think I beter go’ Xavier said ‘no dont go’ His voice was like he really dont want me to go but I said ‘no I have to go’ He said ‘ok let me take you to the hotel’ with a normal voice I said ‘ok’ We walked and got in the car We havent talked again till we came to the front of the hotel I said ‘I know you are mad but..’ He cutted me and said ‘lets talk about it later’ with a normal voice again I just got out of the car and got into the hotel I made my way to my room I was mad at myself as I said all those things to him I just lied down to my bed and started to listen some music I was trying not to think but thoughts were coming to hunt me Why did he tied me up? Why did I let him to do it? Why did he say that he always wants to fuck me hard? He has told me it was about me Did he love to see me like that? Why did I like when he orders when he becomes the boss? I was the free girl but why did this happen when it came to sex? I just realized I like to see him as my master and it was the thing that I affraid of What could I do about it? He was being hard on me and he has a dark side The *sir* word… All those girls were calling him like that? Did I want to be one of them? I have known the answer was no He told me that he didnt want this for me but why he didnt be gentle if he could do it? Too much to think about
I just left to have diner and when I got back to my room I took some phills which was gonna keep me sleep for hours I closed my eyes and slip into my sleep…
I opened my eyes and checked the clock out which was on the end table that next to my bed It was 13.10 Was this the other day? I looked out from the huge window The sun was shining I stared at it for a while than left fort he lunch with thoughts in my head I have chosen something little that I could eat I checked the restaurant out and find a silent corner at the back I slowly made my way to there and sat down to the little table I started to eat and think I was missing him I was missing his touch I was missing his eyes on me I shook my head and told myself ‘Just two days its just two fuckings days’ Being alone was not helping and my stomach was not able to accept more food I left before finished my lunch and called Xavier The phone rang twice and he hung up I said ‘Hey’ with a worried voice as I was waiting him to be mad at me